Thursday, October 21, 2004

GIRLS, GIRLS...YOU'RE BOTH PRETTY




The pre-season is a time for starters to lean back, for role players to demand contract extensions, for coaches to sow the seeds of future ulcers and for undrafted young dudes to consider the pro's and con's of playing in lovely Macedonia. But every once in a while the pressure cooker gets pressureized, despite being several weeks away from true-balling time.

They're already feeling the tension in Sacramento. It's been an uneasy off-season, what with Chris Webber letting pretty much all of his teammates names ring out, scoffing at their lack of heart, and then Peja Stojokovic demanding a trade due to caught feelings.

But nobody was a bigger victim of Webb's diatribe then Bow Hunting Brad Miller, the Triscuit forward/center that Kings aquired before the beginning of last season. Sayeth the rustic yet poetic big man in re: Chris Webber's constructive criticism?

"All I want to say is (expletive) that. (Expletive) them. (Expletive) everybody. That's (expletive)."

Webber also had little to say on the subject. "I don't even want to get into that, but you can quote me on this. Believe half of what you read and none of what you hear."

Oh word, Webb? I heard that when you arent' busy trucking around Tyra Banks' Fendi full of Zoloft, you're hanging out on the elbow, with a gimp knee and a tear in your eye, praying to God that nobody tries to box you out, lest you get a nasty toe-stinger.

And speaking of hard-bodied individuals...



Two truly grizzled warriors, Ray Allen and Kobe Bryant, have been taking off their jewlery and applying the vaseline (no McGreevey), in a war of words. It started when Ray-Ray absent-mindedly questioned Kobe's "leadership" skills in the press. Bryant, always the bigger man in these situations, reportedly called Allen's cell, leaving a message culminating with the promise to, "bust his ass."

The NBA season begins Nov. 2nd.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

WOOF



Qyntel Woods! After two seasons of toiling on the end of the Blazers bench and getting arrested outside of Portland strip clubs, young Q. has been suspended, indefinitely.
Seems Woods is being investigated for dog abandonment and hosting dog fights in his Portland home. This comes on the heels of Q's summer-long effort to clean up his act (aka losing the corn-rows, getting treatment for his marijuana jones and all the other things that make the whites shake.). Many of the Blazers are enraged that Portland is following a guilty until proven otherwise path. Sayeth Q's block-running mate, Darius Miles, "I have been to Qyntel's house many of times, and I have never seen anything like (dog fighting),"

As Billups' Sensitive Thugs correspondent, Andy Greenwald commented, "Can you imagine the state of things when you have to publically make a statement affirming that among the many things you HAVE seen at your buddy's Portland area home -- gangbangs, hydroponics, Ken Caminiti -- you never actually saw any PITBULL FIGHTS?"



Wednesday, October 06, 2004

ONE OF THESE....

Three headlines from Boston sports sections failed to inspire sparks of hope and energy in whiskey-dicked Beantown men rising for another day of life:

RED SOX DOWN ANGELS 9-3
ORTIZ: "I SAY 'FUCK YOU, JOBU! I DO IT MYSELF!'"

PATRIOTS UNDEFEATED FOR MORE THEN A YEAR
BELICHEK: "I'MA PISS ON LOMBARDI'S GRAVE!"

GARY PAYTON REPORTS TO CELTICS CAMP

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